smokin' trees

Marissa, that's how Seth burned down the effing Newport Group. You should know this, because you weren't dead yet. Get it together, kid. You're not going to get the part in that cut-rate horror movie preceeding your slow descent into softcore if people think you're some sort of junkie.

the letting go

Sigh. Well, that's that. I liked the ending, though. The little meta, with The Valley stars breaking up in real life... I'll miss that. It's nice that they made a point to kind of take stock and show that everyone's life is better off with Ryan having been there. Ryan, too, obvi. And the Mini-Me he picked up at the end will be better off, too.
Now, I missed the last few weeks, but... did we ever get any resolution on the Teresa baby ish? And I kinda wished that Lindsay from season two coulda made a cameo. She is Hot Mom's sister, after all. And Jimmy, too.
Anyway. We'll miss you, OC.



aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.....Who needs a drink? (not you, Kirstin)

it's a departure

I think this guy's got it exactly wrong. In the course of a ridiculous article intended mainly, I think, to be needlessly contrarian, he shoehorns in some bassackwards complaints about Jack Nicholson that he really can't substantiate.

I've heard people complain before that it's tough to see Nicholson as a character in a movie, because his off-screen persona looms so large that hampers the suspension of disbelief. It's a fair criticism, but not one, I think, that works for The Departed.

First, the author confuses his own premise by blaming a lot of things he didn't like about the movie on Nicholson. They're scenes that Nicholson is in, yes, but uh, duder? Nicholson didn't write or direct the movie, and unless you can show me some proof that he scripted those scenes, or used some sort of Hollywood muscle to get them in the final cut of the movie you need to shut up about them. They don't make your case.

Second, Nicholson gives a legitimately awesome performance in this movie. I see not a single instance when he uses his "marionette" eyebrows to insinuate a degree of awareness that is supposed to communicate to the audience a level of irony. He uses it when the scene dictates it. You can track his stepped descent into psychosis by his physical movements; this man is fully in command of his instrument, a wholly welcome balance to the wooden Matt Damon. The scene where he confronts Leo about maybe being the rat... then sneaks up behind him can scare the piss out you. (I can't find it on YouTube, but if you've seen it you know the one I'm talking about.)

How did this guy become a film critic. Honestly. What a jerkoff.

here comes the sun

Organic food may be no better for the environment than conventional produce and in some cases is contributing more to global warming than intensive agriculture, according to a government report.

The first comprehensive study of the environmental impact of food production found there was "insufficient evidence" to say organic produce has fewer ecological side-effects than other farming methods. *

(That's the Limey government, not the ANTI-SCIENCE Chimpy McHalliburton admini$tration.) With the obvious caveat that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, again, I'm not sure it makes sense to rush headlong into potentially hugely expensive methods to "fix" global warming when we're not entirely sure that what we'd be doing would make things any better.

PLUS: An inconvenient truth?

Comment firestorm, possibly featuring knife-wielding squirrels, will commence immediately...

*

I think I need a gun

So, after my zombie dream, I've been geeking out a bit about zombies. I checked out this book from the library. Basically, it's a collection of interviews, oral histories, of those who survived or were on the front lines of the zombie war. (Which, I'm more convinced than ever that it's coming.)

You may recall that after my dream I started thinking about what I had around the house that I could use to defend myself against the zombies. The only thing I could think of was my golf clubs. Well, fuck that, I guess. From the book...

"One man in the apartment directly across from me tried to fight them off with a golf club. It bent harmlessly around a zombie's head before five other pulled him to the floor."

I think I need a gun.

srsly?

There have to be better things to spend money on.

srsly.

adventures in socialism

France is turning into Maury Povich:

She also said that randomly selected citizens' juries would watch over government policy and that juvenile delinquents could be placed in educational camps run by the military.

So, if your kid (educated, to this point, by the French gov't, under this plan) doesn't turn out right, the gov't will place him in a military re-education camp. Seriously. And the leading candidate wants this for her children, too:

Cheered by supporters and frequently interrupted by applause, she spoke with more ease than usual. When she talked about France's volatile suburbs, where riots erupted in November 2005 and high unemployment rates continue to curb the opportunities of second-generation immigrants, the emotion was evident on her face and in her voice.

"I want for the children in these suburbs what I want for my own children," she said, clenching a fist before her bright-red blazer and prompting the crowd to erupt into a two-minute standing ovation.

So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.

Seventy-two virgins, by Steve Martin

Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!

Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.

Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?

Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?

Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?


more

respek

Incredibly enough, “The” Ohio State University has passed UW in the rankings. For those who don’t follow college basketball closely, here are the facts. The Buckeyes have three losses, Wisconsin has two. In the one battle between the two teams, the Badgers came out on top. Wisconsin has a higher RPI (basically the same as strength of schedule in college football). The Badgers are 8-2 against teams in the RPI top-50 and are the only team in the nation to beat two top-five ranked teams. Ohio State has three quality losses, but it’s difficult to find a real quality win on its schedule, and close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Is that enough? Should I keep going?

The real reason the Buckeyes passed the Badgers is because of a) everyone’s man-crush on freshman center Greg Oden and b) preseason expectations. Take North Carolina, for instance. Wisconsin dropped two spots after losing to a very good team on the road. The Tar Heels somehow only dropped two spots after losing to N.C. State—the ACC’s eighth place team—because they’re North Carolina, and we’re Wisconsin. Even Florida is a suspect No. 1, as the Gators play in a weak conference, have only one quality win against Ohio State and lost to Florida State, who I recall being soundly defeated by some little team out of Madison.* ...

Trust me, whoever runs the seeding for this season’s March Madness will find some way to shaft Wisconsin out of a No. 1 seed.

Yup.

wobbly

Yeah, so.... yeah.

Anyway, the Super Bowl has never looked cooler, that's for sure. 3000's new tv is spectac, and Prince doing "Purple Rain" in the rain!?!?! where the stage is all purple?!?!? That was b'dass. It might have something to do with the $115,000 cameras they used.

As for commercials, my faves were fry-cook K-Fed, the Snickers one with those two dudes, and the one where Robert Goulet is some sort of demon lizard who comes into your office and fucks shit up.

Let's just hope the Sex Cannon can bear down and not be a total head case next year.

music, politics

Everyone needs a soundtrack - even politicians.

The presidential candidates who addressed the Democratic National Committee's winter meeting Friday got to choose their tunes, and it was an eclectic mix that reflected personal favorites and not-so-subtle messages.

Some candidates requested two songs, one that blared as they approached the stage and another that played as they left the podium.

The selections:

_John Edwards: "This Is Our Country" by John Mellencamp.

_Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut: "Get Ready (Cause Here I Come)" by the Temptations and "Reach Out," also by the Temptations.

_Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York: "Right Here, Right Now," by Jesus Jones and "Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

_Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio: "America the Beautiful"

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois decided against using any music in keeping with the somber tone he sought to convey. Wesley Clark, who hasn't indicated whether he will run, entered to Johnny Cash's "I Won't Back Down."

Man, I didn't think it was possible, but Barack Obama just got even more boring. Wesley Clark continues his streak of cluelessness, because he will, mark my words, back down. I'm thinking in a matter of weeks. Plus, I'm sure that's a Tom Petty song, but I won't rip the General on that, cos it may be an AP error. Well, Cash covered it, but still. Stupid liberal media.

Meanwhile, John Edwards picks a song everyone in America is sick of already for a campaign with nearly two years to go. Nice work. And, since there are two Americas, which country is he claiming to be "ours?"

Hillary appeals to the nation's young people, and to women, by picking two songs by dudes: one about the fall of the Berlin Wall, and some ridiculous boomer cock-rock. A woman on the radio talks about revolution, when it's already passed her by...

Kucinich... completely oblivious. Dodd... more boomer shit everyone's tired of. His picks are extra ridic because they have absolutely no connotations outside of like love or whatever.

eye opener

Consumer Reports magazine said today that in a test conducted at two locations of each emporium, its tasters found McDonald's coffee to be "decent and moderately strong" with "no flaws." On the other hand, the Starbucks brew "was strong, but burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open."

The March issue of the magazine, due out Monday, thus advises, "Try McDonald's, which was cheapest and best."

Plus, at McDonalds you never have to hear the words "venti" or "macciato".

time of the season

I seriously do not know what the hell ass balls is going on with me lately, but last night I got about one hour of sleep. And during that one hour of sleep, I had one of the most terrifying dreams I've ever had. It was like no other dream I've ever dreamed, and I'm including the Chinese Guy dream and my semi-recurring Darth Vader dreams in that statement.

I dreamt about zombies. Now, I'm going to have to frame this in terms of movies, because my real-life experience with zombies is quite limited. But it was very vivid, and had lots of like tiny details that made it hyper-real to me. It was kind of like a "28 Days Later" kind of deal, where the whole country was infested with zombies, and I was on the run constantly, trying to find a safe place to be. There was one part where I was going to spend the night hiding on someone's enclosed porch, crouched in a corner. And carved into the side of the house were people's names, and the dates they had been there, letting anyone who passed know that they were still alive, and asking the whereabouts of loved ones. There was a radio station's numbers carved, too, which I was unable to utilize, as I was woefully unprepared for zombie combat.

At one point, I was basically cornered in a school basement. But I somehow convinced the zombies I was already zombified, and they pretty much ignored me. Hilariously, and incongruously, I then sat down and had a delightful conversation with a couple of zombies. We played some music on the radio and laughed at some of the stupider zombies who were continuously walking into walls and such. But once I got out of there, I was back on the streets, dashing from one shadow to the next, looking for someplace new to hide.

When I woke up, I was petrified. Usually, you wake up from a dream and either forget it instantly, or realize that being scared of zombies is ridiculous. But I started thinking, "Well, if it's so ridiculous, why did someone go to the trouble of writing a whole book about it?" I thought that if the country was being infested by zombies, surely I would've heard something about it. I mean, I follow the news pretty closely. But then I thought about that remake of "Dawn of the Dead," and how Sarah Polley just woke up and started getting attacked, and I was like, "Oh balls that could totally happen TODAY." Plus? That shit took place in Wisconsin. And so I started thinking about what weapons I had to combat the zombies. Really, all I have is a large-ish chef's knife, and some golf clubs. Not very comforting. (Side note: still awake at this point; these paranoid delusions were not part of my dream.) So I got up out of bed and looked out the window to make sure there were no zombies outside. I am not making this up.

Anyway, I wasn't satisfied that the country was not under zombie attack until I turned on the morning news. Apparently, we are not under zombie attack. But don't think I'm not buying that book anyway.