Quiz

Match the porn with the politican who wrote it!

I scored 5 out of 13. I think that's pretty good. Does that make me a political junkie, or a porn freak?

happy 'ween, jerks

toothpastefordinner.com

rant, cont'd

I don't know why I'm so worked up about this. Maybe it's the fact that that was the first time I've felt truly insulted and offended by a stupid television show. But it looks like I'm not the only one. The Onion's resident hater piled on the other day, and now it looks like the show is about to be axed.

Sorkin and friends will argue that NBC has done something wrong, or that the audience isn’t smart enough. Alas, in this case, neither is true. 'Studio 60' ... is just a bad show. There’s nothing wrong with the acting, directing, or dialogue writing. But the premise is faulty. No one cares whether a bunch of over caffeinated, well off yuppies, some with expensive drug habits, put on a weekly comedy sketch show from Los Angeles.

That's one theory among many. It is true, thought, that the producers think the audience isn't smart enough. Well, since it seems that everyone is watching CSI: Miami instead, that may actually be true.

rant about hippies #2

This is certainly correct, but hardly the only thing wrong with the show. I don't know... you probably didn't watch it last night, but I can't recall seeing an hour of television more smug and self-righteous about its politics since the last time I was forced to endure the insufferable douchebaggery of Bill O'Reilly. At one point, and I think it was the point where the ostensibly Alzheimer's-afflicted WWII vet (who was part of Operation Overlord, no less) reveals that he was a blacklisted comedy writer (no, seriously... I'm not making this up), I stormed out of the room raving about Sorking being a stupid coked-up hippie. Rochester nearly spat out his tall boy of Miller Lite when the ludicrously stale character of the Middle American hick father of one of the comedy writers blurted out that he's never heard of "Who's On First" and has no use for a record player. Ha ha! He's from Ohio! Get it?

I gave this show a chance because I enjoy shows with really fast-paced dialogue (West Wing, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls, etc.), and Sorkin's shows often make you pay attention and think to get the jokes. Although it's been rare, in the past, some characters came to confront their smugness and obnoxious self-righteousness, and that makes for great character development and compelling drama. We may still be heading in that direction, with Matthew Perry's character and his relationship with that blonde actress. But when the entire purpose of the show is (at this point) apparently to skewer Sorkin's personal political targets, it just gets tiring and lame, and is the opposite of clever.

I've got more to say about this, but I'm actually on a conference call right now, and should probably be paying attention.

Word of the day

disambiguate

dis·am·big·u·ate (dĭs'ăm-bĭg'yū-āt')
tr.v., -at·ed, -at·ing, -ates.

To establish a single grammatical or semantic interpretation for.

Fantastic word. Saw it in a meeting agenda.

3 cool things about the weekend

What's up, steak lovers?

So, I wanted to write about three cool things I saw/did over the weekend. Although I haven't been able to shake this ridiculous, low-level cold I've had for the past 10 days, I was still able to venture out into the world and collect some tiny anecdotes that you can read instead of working. Hippies. So, in order of awesomeness...

1. Demolition derby! Man, this was awesome. 3000 and his bird went last year, and gave it a hearty recommendation. So I met up with them, J-Biz, his wife (aka J-Wacs), and Truck's friend Jamie, and watched some cars get smashed the hell up. You've got to check the website of the company that organized it. The Photo Album should give you a good sense of what went on. There was a car in the derby called the Redneck Cadillac, which looked like some old two-door hatchback. There was another called the PBR Racer. These cars both got smashed the hell up. There was smoke, fire, gratuitous hootin' and hollerin', and afterwards, deep-fried Twinkies. There was also cheese fries. (We were at the State Fair. Obvy.) A funny thing about demolition derbys is that most of the time the drivers are going backwards. I'm told this is because their engines would get too smashed up if they hit each other going forwards. Makes sense. Then we went on some rides. 3000's bird had a hilarious death grip on the supporting pole in the "tub" on the ferris wheel, and Jamie tried her damnedest to get us severely injured by rocking the car on the Alpine Bobs (aka the Rap Ride). Good times.

2. The Departed! If you're like me, and you like movies with lots of guns and swearing, this movie is for you. I saw the movie this is based on earlier in the week with my buddy Nick, who lives in DC. There's another story about that trip, where this girl tries to pick me up in Starbucks by borrowing my phone and then telling me she just got out of therapy, which she's going to because she just broke up with her bf, and now wants to go "not crazy, y'know, but just meet some cool guys..." But that's a whole nother blog post. Anyway! If you have Netflix and like Chinese movies, you should rent Infernal Affairs. Terrible title, sure, but the Chinese have made huge strides in the movies-with-guns department. The Departed does a fantastic job of taking the premise and making a new movie out of it. All the actors do a super job, and Scorsese keeps it easy to understand, and really energetic. Can't say enough good things about this movie. I'm a little weary, though, of a recent trend in movies and tv where a huge chunk of the interaction between characters takes place over the phone. Dialogue is dialogue, I suppose, but watching people talk on the phone is boring. DiCaprio and Damon had, like, two scenes together in the entire movie. Just sayin.

3. Bunting's ass is fired. It's about damn time. Not long after me and 3000 moved down here, we saw this dude on tv, crying and apologizing for playing a shitty game that week. There's no crying in football. Unless you just won the Super Bowl. And even then, don't do it on camera. I feel a little bad for the guy, cos I know he's had to deal with a lot of injuries to key players, and it's pretty tough to recruit at a school mainly known for basketball, and three years isn't a lot of time to get your program up and running. But I've seen the dude make terrible, terrible decisions on the field, and the team has been unable to demonstrate proficiency at the fundamentals. Anyway, this is considerably less awesome than the demolition derby and The Departed, but hey, that's why I put it third.


End of list.

How to be a boss (Scenes from the Modern Office)

If you've ever wondered if you have what it takes to be the boss at your work, I've put together a handy reference guide for you. If you're talking to a subordinate, just drop these phrases liberally into the conversation, and you'll be promoted in no time!

• "Could you go ahead and e-mail that to me?" NOTE: Item should exist in hard-copy only.

• Subordinate: "I'm waiting to hear back from Joe." You: "Could you go ahead and follow up with Joe about that?"

• "That needs to be done today." NOTE: For phrase to be effective, item should not actually have to be done today.

• "You need to make that a priority. Deprioritize your current reports, and make this your primary action item."
  

• "Oh, and we're cutting your hours."

• "Could you go ahead and schedule a meeting so we can talk about this more?" NOTE: You should not actually show up to this meeting.
  

• "Let's wait until next week to discuss that." NOTE: This works especially well for time-sensitive items.
  

• "I'll send you an e-mail detailing what I want you to say in your e-mail to the client." NOTE: Under no circumstances should you simply send the e-mail yourself.
  

• "I'll be out of the office for the next two weeks."

See? Easy as reconciling the budget! (NOTE: You should not actually reconcile the budget.)

• "Stop blogging and get back to work!"

I should actually do that.

Well, that's weird

It's almost as if there was some sort of... I don't know, like... an axis of some sort. Of evil, maybe?

Plus, throw it DOWN, big man!!!


Overheard: Democrats like bookmarks, but Republicans like to bend over the page. Oho! Oh snap!!!

Bearish outlook for the russian site

Get it while it's hot, hippies.

Russia should shut down a pirate music Web site that is robbing U.S. recording companies of sales if it wants to become a member of the World Trade Organization, the top U.S. trade official said on Wednesday.

"I have a hard time imagining Russia becoming a member of the WTO and having a Web site like that up and running that is so clearly a violation of everyone's intellectual property rights," U.S. Trade Representative Susan Schwab told reporters after a speech to a services industry organization.

Schwab's call for the allofmp3.com Web site to be closed came as the United States and Russia are trying once again to reach a deal on Moscow's 13-year-old bid to join the WTO. *

Bevo

So, if I'm a conservative, I should drink Budweiser? Thanks, but no thanks.

just... just whatever, man. whatever.

What's up, babies? It's been a long, drunken, drunken long weekend. But I'm back, manning rear guard in the non-stop parade of derision, hypocrisy, and condescension. Work, I mean. I'm back at work. I'm gonna upchuck a post later on tonight about my birthday weekend in Charlottesville, VA. But in the meantime, I leave you with Baby Toupees. What's that, you say? Well, it goes a little somethin' like this...