I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.

Why I dislike being in my office so much:

But that’s probably colored by my general feeling about offices, which make me feel as though my spinal column is being pulled out, one long nerve at a time, through the base of my skull. It’s not the people, it’s not the job, it’s just the putty clutter, the eternal feeling of 1:57 PM that characterizes most offices, and all the souls staring at computer monitors. It’s like a factory where everyone has their back to everyone else.

On the top border of my monitor, I have taped an inspirational message from "Fight Club." It says: "This is your life. And it's ending one minute at a time."

When I log into Blogger in order to make a post, it asks for my username and password, and it has a checkbox labeled "Remember Me." While it obviously refers to it's ability to save your login information, I can't help but feel a twinge of techno-anxiety. More Grandaddy than Radiohead, like, who doesn't want to be remembered? Will Blogger be the only thing that carries a mental picture of me when I go, even if it's just until the cookie expires? Wouldn't it be easy if you could just tick a box on the humans you interact with: "remember me?"

See, I don't do well in an office environment.

Shut up, Marissa

Summer gets the award for "least annoying character" this episode, and she may have even crossed over into "kind of cool" territory. She's playin' video games, she's making comic book references, she calls out Marissa for being a drunk slut, and she finally makes the Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper-Roberts joke we've been making all year. Although, Marissa did slide in a V-Mars reference, which was hott. I missed the name of the movie Seth was talking about though? Where the guy rips off his own arm to keep fighting? Anyone? Other than that, the episode mostly centered on Sadie's boobs. Which, I'm fine with that.

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man

This aggression will not stand, man.

Soap

I don't know if you know this yet, but there's a movie coming out called "Snakes on A Plane." Guess what it's about? Well, yeah, duh. How could a movie called "Snakes on a Plane" get any awesomer? Did I mention it stars Samuel L. Jackson? SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE!!!

Best news evs!

O. M. G. Man, science is the COOLEST!!!

A group of university researchers said yesterday that they had created what sounds like a nutritional holy grail: cloned pigs that make their own omega-3 fatty acids, potentially leading to bacon and pork chops that might help your heart.

I have another request, please, Science. Yes, could you please also make Mexican food that doesn't make you fart? Oh, and beer that doesn't make yer breath stink. If you have time, I mean. Thanks.

inside man

I have to admit that I haven't seen as many Spike Lee movies as I probably should have to be informed here, including "Jungle Fever." Not being a strict devotee, it means that I've missed such universally slammed clunkers as "Girl 6" and "She Hate Me." On the other hand, I can't think of a Spike joint that I've seen that has not literally amazed me. In college, I had to watch "Do the Right Thing" in class (I've watched it several times since then as well), and more recently, "25th Hour," "Summer of Sam," and "Bamboozled" have struck me as being wholly solid, engrossing films that are unlike any other movies out there. Ed Norton, in "25th Hour," during a "Do the Right Thing" redux rant, quips, "Fuck the New York Times. I read the Post." Ironical that this NYT article that looks back on Spike's career with an even-handed reverence, largely gets it all right.

be excellent to each other

Ok, it seems that our gang has turned into selfish jerks. Summer, be nicer to Taylor. Ryan, be nicer to Sadie. Sandy, pay attention to yer kids. Weird that Kirsten is kind of taking over the uber-parent role from the increasingly evil Sandy. Plus, Marissa, what is your deal? Honestly. You just know that Ryan is gonna find out, and him and Volchok are gonna fight. Someone's probably gonna get killed. *sigh* On the other hand, you just know that that isn't the first time Volchok's done it in a trailer. Sleezbag.


Oh, yeah. And Duke sucks.

more Bush criticism

Running a fascist state is harder than you think; in fact, most fascist states fail within the first decade. That's why I feel it important to point out obvious failings of the new fascist America to help keep it healthy and oppressive. The most blatant (and loud) problem right now is the improper silencing of dissenters.

Honestly, my only experience with fascism is voting for Bush twice, but here is what I've observed. Obviously, speech is being oppressed, because we are constantly (and annoyingly) being told by liberals that their rights are being taken away and that dissent is being treated as treason. That might seem like a good start, but the problem is that people shouldn't explicitly be able to say that they're being oppressed. Everyone should know that already, and any who complains about it should be jailed or rounded up into camps for speaking out against the state. It's really a huge rookie fascist state mistake not to do that.*

I'm confused

I support the president on the war, so does that mean I'm whiny, or manly?
Get yer stories straight, haters!

a moral war

Let us start with President Bush's speech to the United Nations on Sept. 12, 2002, which I recommend that you read. Contrary to innumerable sneers, he did not speak only about WMD and terrorism, important though those considerations were. He presented an argument for regime change and democracy in Iraq and said, in effect, that the international community had tolerated Saddam's deadly system for far too long. Who could disagree with that? Here's what should have happened. The other member states of the United Nations should have said: Mr. President, in principle you are correct. The list of flouted U.N. resolutions is disgracefully long. Law has been broken, genocide has been committed, other member-states have been invaded, and our own weapons inspectors insulted and coerced and cheated. Let us all collectively decide how to move long-suffering Iraq into the post-Saddam era. We shall need to consider how much to set aside to rebuild the Iraqi economy, how to sponsor free elections, how to recuperate the devastated areas of the marshes and Kurdistan, how to try the war criminals, and how many multinational forces to ready for this task. In the meantime—this is of special importance—all governments will make it unmistakably plain to Saddam Hussein that he can count on nobody to save him. All Iraqi diplomats outside the country, and all officers and officials within it, will receive the single message that it is time for them to switch sides or face the consequences. Then, when we are ready, we shall issue a unanimous ultimatum backed by the threat of overwhelming force. We call on all democratic forces in all countries to prepare to lend a hand to the Iraqi people and assist them in recovering from more than three decades of fascism and war.

Not a huge amount to ask, when you think about it. But what did the president get instead? The threat of unilateral veto from Paris, Moscow, and Beijing. Private assurances to Saddam Hussein from members of the U.N. Security Council. Pharisaic fatuities from the United Nations' secretary-general, who had never had a single problem wheeling and dealing with Baghdad. The refusal to reappoint Rolf Ekeus—the only serious man in the U.N. inspectorate—to the job of invigilation. A tirade of opprobrium, accusing Bush of everything from an oil grab to a vendetta on behalf of his father to a secret subordination to a Jewish cabal. Platforms set up in major cities so that crowds could be harangued by hardened supporters of Milosevic and Saddam, some of them paid out of the oil-for-food bordello.

Well, if everyone else is allowed to rewind the tape and replay it, so can I. We could have been living in a different world, and so could the people of Iraq, and I shall go on keeping score about this until the last phony pacifist has been strangled with the entrails of the last suicide-murderer.

Read the whole thing.

Best media feud since TO v. Dunnavan McNarb

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

--Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu

Document (feat. World Leader Pretend)

In the early stages of the war that began three years ago, the U.S. captured thousands of documents from Saddam and his spy agency, the Mukhabarat. It's been widely thought the documents could shed light on why Saddam behaved as he did and how much of a threat his evil regime represented.

Yet, until this week, the documents lay molding in boxes in a government warehouse. Now the first batch is out, and though few in number, they're loaded with information.

Among the enduring myths of those who oppose the war is that Saddam, though murderous when it came to his own people, had no weapons of mass destruction and no terrorist designs outside his own country. Both claims now lie in tatters.

As we've reported several times, a number of former top military officials in Saddam's regime have come forward to admit that, yes, Saddam had WMD, hid them and shipped them out of the country so they couldn't be detected. And he had plans to make more. *

Or...

When it came to weapons of mass destruction (WMD), Saddam attempted to convince one audience that they were gone while simultaneously convincing another that Iraq still had them. . . . According to Chemical Ali [Ali Hassan al-Majid], Saddam was asked about the weapons during a meeting with members of the Revolutionary Command Council. He replied that Iraq did not have WMD but flatly rejected a suggestion that the regime remove all doubts to the contrary, going on to explain that such a declaration it might encourage the Israelis to attack. By late 2002, Saddam finally tilted toward trying to persuade the international community that Iraq was cooperating with UN inspectors and that it no longer had WMD programs. As 2002 drew to a close, his regime worked hard to counter anything that might be seen as supporting the coalition's assertion that WMD still remained in Iraq. Saddam was insistent that Iraq would give full access to UN inspectors "in order not to give President Bush any excuses to start a war." But after years of purposeful obfuscation, it was difficult to convince anyone that Iraq was not once again being economical with the truth. *

All's I'm sayin' is it may be a bit too early to say that we know for sure what was going on with Saddam's WMD programs, connections to Al Qaeda, etc. These documents could be huge.

peacemaker

Dear George Clooney,

Congratulations on that best supporting actor Oscar you picked up last week. I couldn't be happier for you. Not only because I admire your Cary Grant-esque panache but because I admire your politics. As an advocate of a hawkish but high-minded foreign policy, I can't find much to cheer about in Hollywood, but you, my friend, consistently deliver. Dare I say it--you're the No. 1 neocon in Never Never Land. ...

"Syriana,"...[is] a protest against the influence of Big Oil on U.S. foreign policy. Neocons couldn't agree more. They argue that the policy supported by the oil companies--backing Middle Eastern despots--is leading us to ruin. It only helps create anti-American suicide bombers--as illustrated by "Syriana." The movie suggests that we should be helping liberal Arab reformers, like the fictional Prince Nasir, just as neocons have been urging. ...

Then there's "The Peacemaker," your terrific 1997 thriller that sought to shake the nation out of its post-Cold War complacency by showing how easily terrorists could smuggle a nuclear bomb into the U.S. ...

All that is by way of prelude to your 1998 neocon masterpiece, "Three Kings." It showed that the 1991 Gulf War didn't achieve its goals when it left Saddam Hussein in power. ... Neocons like Paul Wolfowitz were saying the same thing; they wanted to oust Hussein from power, not just from Kuwait. ...

The message is clear: The U.S. should pursue its ideals in foreign policy, not simply try to protect its strategic or economic interests. Believe it or not, that is the essence of modern neoconservatism. And that is precisely the policy that President Bush has been following in Iraq, notwithstanding the sniping he's received from you and your friends.

I knew I liked that guy.

Can't turn left?

Again, I'm glad Frist is calling the Dems out on this stuff. The withdrawl from Iraq, the Patriot Act, the wiretaps... Look, if the Dems are serious about this stuff, why don't they vote against it?

Yesterday, Democrat Senator Russ Feingold called for a censure of President Bush. The censure reads:

"The United States Senate does hereby censure George W. Bush, President of the United States, and does condemn his unlawful authorization of wiretaps of Americans."

Senator Feingold is flat wrong and irresponsible.

In fact, when I attempted today to bring this censure resolution to the Senate floor for a vote, the Democrats objected. Proving it is just a shameful political stunt.*

Democrats have a choice: Either actually be tough on national security, or continue to play anti-Bush politics (thereby continuing to lose elections). Feingold, while one of the Senate's staunchest liberals, is usually a pretty level-headed guy. However, he's also going to run for President in 2008. So, I think we can see that he's made his choice. Too bad.

Yes. Remarkable.

In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

Ready or not, here it comes. ...

ABC News has obtained a mathematical projection prepared by federal scientists based on an initial outbreak on an East Coast chicken farm in which humans are infected. Within three months, with no vaccine, almost half of the country would have the flu.

Know what's also super-awesome? The drug that the government wants to stockpile to fight infection? Yeah, it doesn't work.

You got served, Dr. Ross

"Orson Welles was an artist. George Clooney is a fellow who read an article and now wants to tell us the truth, if we can handle it.

More important, Orson Welles had a canny respect for the audience while maintaining a difficult relationship with studio executives, whom he approached as if they were his intellectual and artistic inferiors. George Clooney has a canny respect for the Hollywood establishment, for its executives and agents, and treats his audience as if it were composed of his intellectual and artistic inferiors. (He is not alone in this. He is only this year's example.)

And because they are his inferiors, he must teach them. He must teach them about racial tolerance and speaking truth to power, etc. He must teach them to be brave. And so in his acceptance speech for best supporting actor the other night he instructed the audience about Hollywood's courage in making movies about AIDS, and recognizing the work of Hattie McDaniel with an Oscar.

Was his speech wholly without merit? No. It was a response and not an attack, and it appears to have been impromptu. Mr. Clooney presumably didn't know Jon Stewart would tease the audience for being out of touch, and he wanted to argue that out of touch isn't all bad. Fair enough. It is hard to think on your feet in front of 38 million people, and most of his critics will never try it or have to. (This is a problem with modern media: Only the doer understands the degree of difficulty.)

But Mr. Clooney's remarks were also part of the tinniness of the age, and of modern Hollywood. I don't think he was being disingenuous in suggesting he was himself somewhat heroic. He doesn't even know he's not heroic. He thinks making a movie in 2005 that said McCarthyism was bad is heroic.

How could he think this? Maybe part of the answer is in this: The Clooney generation in Hollywood is not writing and directing movies about life as if they've experienced it, with all its mysteries and complexity and variety. In an odd way they haven't experienced life; they've experienced media. Their films seem more an elaboration and meditation on media than an elaboration and meditation on life. This is how he could take such an unnuanced, unsophisticated, unknowing gloss on the 1950s and the McCarthy era. He just absorbed media about it. And that media itself came from certain assumptions and understandings, and myths.

Most Americans aren't leading media, they're leading lives. It would be nice to see a new respect in Hollywood for the lives they live."*

The Last Stand

The trailer for X-Men 3 is out, and online, here. This movie looks cool as shit. I'm totally jazzed for it. Did you know that ex-X director Bryan Singer is also directing the upcoming Superman movie? Awesome.

The man with the golden gun

Ok, so I can't drive a stick-shift car. At least, I couldn't until last Christmas, when Annie forced me to learn. See, we were going to drive from Nashville up to Wisconsin, and she, quite understandably, didn't want to do all of the driving (again). I was scared of ruining the car, causing an accident, or just generally effing things up. But she stuck to ger guns, and eventually plied me by saying that "James Bond drives a stick shift." Since every man, deep down, wants to be James Bond, I had no choice but to learn.

Imagine my surprise, then, reading this:

[New Bond actor Daniel Craig] revealed he can only drive an automatic - so Bond's traditional Aston Martin DB5 reportedly had to be converted.

There seems to also be a large negative reaction to the casting of Craig as Bond. Myself, I loved Daniel Craig in the only other movie I've seen him in, the wholly awesome, Duran Duran-featuring "Layer Cake." In fact, and not to spoil the ending for anyone who hasn't seen it, his turn at the end of that movie makes me think he'd be a fantastic Bond. Anyway, a lot of the negativity seems to stem from the fact that he's not as handsome as past Bonds. Granted, he's no Pierce Brosnan. Beyond that, though, I find myself unqualified to make a judgement as to his good look-itude. So, ladies? What do we think? Hot or not?


Vote in the comments!

Brokeback spoofs

The NYT has a helpful article that debriefs the non-nerdy on the phenomenon of "Brokeback Mountain" spoofs on the web. If you haven't seen "Brokeback to the Future," or the "Top Gun" one, you're missing out. Best one I hadn't seen was the "Lord of the Rings" spoof. Gotta watch it all the way to the end, though.