Possibly inspired by...

...my righteous fisking of the AFI Top 100 movie quotes list, I went out an purchased "The Way Of the Gun" yesterday. (Only $5.50 at Wal-Mart, yo!) It's much better than I remembered it, back when I rented it in a fit of Chris McQuarrie fandom. Definitely worth the $5. Although it's not directed with the same verve and flourish as was his other screenwriting credit, the script is just as good, if a bit more linear in its narrative, and is loaded with trademark McQuarrie-isms:

• "Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice."
• "I promise you a day of reckoning that you won't live long enough to never forget."
• "There's always free cheese in a mousetrap."

The best part is that the actors are so good that you can completely believe that their characters would toss off these little bullets of wisdom without even thinking twice about how ridiculously cool they (the lines) are. Even the otherwise loathsome Ryan Phillipe does an admirable job, and of course Benicio Del Toro is astounding.

The contest rolls on...

Where you at, Rochester? Angry Hippie's feeling "slick and aerodynamic." Hows about an update? Tonssoffun?

You don't send me

Hitch:

But when it comes to the confrontation in Iraq, the whole notion of grown-ups volunteering is dismissed or lampooned. Instead, it's people's children getting "sent." Recall Michael Moore asking congressmen whether they would "send" one of their offspring, as if they had the power to do so, or the right? (John Ashcroft's son was in the Gulf, but I doubt that his father dispatched him there, and in any case it would take a lot more than this to reconcile me to Ashcroft, as Moore implies that it should.) Nobody has to join the armed forces, and those who do are old enough to vote, get married, and do almost everything legal except buy themselves a drink. Why infantilize young people who are entitled to every presumption of adulthood? ...

"If this is such a great cause, let us see one of the Bush daughters in uniform." Let me do a brief thought experiment here. Do I know a single anti-war person who would be more persuaded if one of the Bush girls joined up? Do you? Can you imagine what would be said about such a cheap emotional stunt? Stalin's son was taken prisoner by the Nazi invaders (and never exchanged), and Mao's son was killed in the war that established the present state of North Korea. I am not sure how encouraging such precedents are supposed to be, but they have nothing at all to do with the definition of a just war.

You should read the whole thing.

Free Katie Holmes redux

I stole this from Reihan:

But the buzz in some Scientology circles is that Cruise may have reached one of the highest echelons of the Church of Scientology. While not a lot is known about this level, known cryptically as OT-VII, Scientology observers say that attaining it could explain Cruise's behavior in recent months. . . .

According to experts and the church's own literature, OT-VII ("OT" stands for Operating Thetan, "thetan" being the Scientology term for soul) is the penultimate tier in the church's spiritual hierarchy - the exact details of which are fiercely guarded and forbidden to be discussed even among top members. It is where a Scientologist learns how to become free of the mortal confines of the body and is let into the last of the mysteries of the cosmology developed by the church's longtime leader, science fiction novelist and "Dianetics" author L. Ron Hubbard. This cosmology also famously holds that humans bear the noxious traces of an annihilated alien civilization that was brought to Earth by an intergalactic warlord millions of years ago.

This is an actual religion.
The whole article is here. You gotta watch an ad to read the whole thing. "Free Katie Holmes" merch here.

"South Park" vs. "King Of the Hill"

Did you see this article about politics and "King of the Hill"? I mention it because it references something I wrote about earlier in a typically confused and rambling post.

The point is that both political parties seem to be using cartoons to better understand the "other side." Conservatives need to watch "South Park" to understand why the Republican party will soon start losing lots and lots of elections. Democrats need to watch "King of the Hill" to understand why they keep losing lots and lots of elections, particularly in the South. One could also make the point that liberals should watch "South Park" so that they can recognize when they're being made fun of (something they seem to have trouble with lately), and conservatives should watch "King of the Hill" for the same reason.

It should go without saying that all politicians could probably benefit more from actually living among their constituents than from trying to ascertain their feelings by watching a TV show produced thousands of miles away. (I'm talking to you, Gov. Easley.)

First dance is yours, AFI

This list is bullshit.

Another exercise in boomer-centric nostalgia, nothing more. I mean, any list of things that are supposedly great that contains "Shane" is stupid, and hardly worth bothering with. "Shane" sucks, "The Graduate" sucks, "Dirty Dancing" sucks, I've never even heard of fucking "Aunt Mamie" or "Beyond the Forest." I mean, this is a bunch of old, self-styled critics sitting around in suits, drinking sherry and going, "Why, yes, I do recall how affected I was in my younger days by the sight of that paragon of manhood, Shane, and his powerful buttocks, riding off into the technicolor sunset. That young boy represents America's lost innocence, and when Shane rode off for parts unknown, a little part of me died." Fuck that. And "Plastics"? The fuck? That line isn't even funny. I mean shit, if that kid had gone into plastics, he'd be an effing millionaire by now. So many of my relatives said that to me when I graduated high school, completely oblivious to the inherent irony.

Anyay, before I list some quotes they left out, I need to rant a bit about what this list should accomplish, and why it fails on all accounts. A list like this should not only have iconic quotes that have become part of the lexicon, like "May the Force be with you," but also lines that are just plain bad-ass. There's nothing from "The Usual Suspects," for example. What about that line from the beginning of "The Way of the Gun," when Ryan Phillipe goes "Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head!" Like, if you bust that shit out in pretty much any situation whatsoever, you're gonna get into a fight. Now that's a powerful quote. Or how about "You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed." Isn't that just slightly more memorable than "I want to be alone."?

The list should have funny lines, and it has a few. "Airplane." "Caddyshack" (though none of the good ones). But where is like anything from Mel Brooks? The one Woody Allen line they choose is "La-dee-da?" Is this a joke?!?! What about "The Big Lebowski?" What about "Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman." What about "Fucking Germans. Nothing changes."

This list is just yuppie elitism. Congratulations, AFI, for your continued descent into cliched irrelevance.

I was porn a unicorn

I'm almost speechless here...

The unicorn orgy.

I chose unicorns for a reason--to make a point. In ancient times, unicorns stood for wildness, energy, and the holy, healing power of sex. The Christians reversed that. They drafted unicorns as poster-children for virginity and their cold, anti-body notions of purity. As a pagan, that offends me--they perverted a pagan symbol of sexual healing for their own sex-hating, body-hating, world-hating views. So these unicorns are reclaiming their ancient ethnic heritage, so to speak. A heritage of the innocent, sexual, sensual play from which all life arises.

Pleny more photos at the link.

radio radio

If you haven't listened to "Dare" by Gorillaz yet, well, that's just retarded. The track is fucking hot. It's in the BlogRadio right now. DO it. DO it.

UPDATE: Something's messed up, and is making the track sound like chipmunk music. Don't listen to it now...I'll fix it later.

abilities some may consider....unnatural

Watch Tom Cruise murder Oprah with Scientology lightning here.

Via DataWhat?

Noel Gallagher sets us straight

He says,

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but are they hoping that one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15 minute break at Gleneagles [in Scotland] and sees ANNIE LENNOX singing SWEET DREAMS and thinks, 'F**k me, she might have a point there, you know?' KEANE doing SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW and some Japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him... we should really f**king drop that debt, you know.' It's not going to happen, is it?"

Well, no. But "Somewhere Only We Know" is still a great song.

sweet zombie jesus

Muench, like eighty-five per cent of the students at Patrick Henry, was homeschooled, in her case in rural Idaho. Homeschoolers are not the most obvious raw material for a college whose main mission, since its founding, five years ago, has been to train a new generation of Christian politicians. Politics, after all, is the most social of professions, and many students arrive at Patrick Henry having never shared a classroom with anyone other than their siblings. In conservative circles, however, homeschoolers are considered something of an élite, rough around the edges but pure—in their focus, capacity for work, and ideological clarity—a view that helps explain why the Republican establishment has placed its support behind Patrick Henry, and why so many conservative politicians are hiring its graduates.

Read the whole article. They make Ned Flanders look like Marilyn Manson.

Let's get ready to (gut) rumble

Angry Hippie (B!), Rochester, and the mysterious Tonsoffun have all signed on to the Great Weight-Off of 2005. First, can we all agree on a name for this thing? Fat Fest? Tale Of the Tape? Operation Enduring Freedom Fries?

I've appointed myself referee, which seems to have been accepted by all interested parties. Except Tonsoffun, because I'm not really sure who that is. The rules so far: AH/B and Rochester have both posted their opening measurements at the links above. End date is on or around July 9th, 2005, at which time final results will be posted on the respective contestants blogs. Verification, should it be necessary (or invoked by one of the participants), will be conducted by me, bitches. The formula used to determine the winner will be determined within, say, the next week or so and posted here, on JAI. Prizes will also be determined, although let it not go unnoted that fitness is its own reward.

So, let's get it on! Or, take it off, as it were.

More Biden asshattery

This sounds like a joke, but it isn't. Last year, the Department of Justice and the DEA tried to prosecute concert promoters in New Orleans under the federal "crackhouse law." That law makes it a felony to maintain a building or facility for the purpose of drug consumption. Traditionally, the law has been applied to places that are, well, crack houses. But — calling glow sticks and bottled water "drug paraphernalia" — then-U.S. Attorney Eddie Jordan attempted to jail three New Orleans concert promoters by reasoning that (1) people come to raves; (2) people who come to raves sometimes use drugs; (3) concert promoters must know this (especially in light of the presence of "drug paraphernalia"); and so, (4) a rave must be an event that takes place "for the purpose of drug consumption" under the law. ...

Now Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., has introduced a bill (the "Reducing Americans' Vulnerability to Ecstasy Act of 2002," cutely called "the RAVE Act"), also sponsored by Sens. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., and Richard Durbin, D-Ill. The bill would essentially write into the crackhouse statute the same approach already rejected by the district court in New Orleans. According to The Washington Post:

When he introduced the bill in June, Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., said "most raves are havens for illicit drugs," and congressional findings submitted with the bill label as drug paraphernalia such rave mainstays as bottled water, "chill rooms" and glow sticks.

...
The RAVE Act should, all by itself, serve to explode Democratic claims that it's only the Republicans who pose a danger to civil liberties: nothing in the Bush administration's anti-terror plans would criminalize bottled water.

Biden's running for president in 2008. Remember this when he starts campaining.

rollin' wit da flatness

Globalization is often viewed as a rootless process of constantly moving jobs to low-wage countries. But the issue is more complex, as illustrated by Whirlpool's worldwide operations. What attracts Mr. Fettig and other chief executives is a relatively new form of globalization that emphasizes first-rate centers of production and design in various countries - including the United States.

Whirlpool's global network, a work in progress, includes microwave ovens engineered in Sweden and made in China for American consumers; stoves designed in America and made in Tulsa, Okla., for American consumers; refrigerators assembled in Brazil and exported to Europe; and top-loading washers made at a sprawling factory in Clyde, Ohio, for American consumers, although some are sold in Mexico.

Read the whole thing, especially if globalization, to you, represents the ceaseless exporting of American jobs by heartless multinational corporations. As Tom Friedman says, the world is flat.

FREE KATIE HOLMES update

They're taking this little stunt way, way too far.


Yes, I've had coffee this morning. Hence the Eva Blogorrhea.

N-bombs!

Speaking Wednesday night at a Washington fund-raiser to retire the debt from his 2004 presidential campaign, Nader complained that Democratic Party powerbrokers had kept him off the ballot in such Southern states as Georgia and Virginia - which reminded him of the oppressive Jim Crow laws that denied African-Americans equal rights.

Wait for it...

"I felt like a [n-word]," remarked the 70-year-old white multimillionaire
graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School.

Snap!

Worst CD evs

Stereogum starts a discussion of the worst or most embarrassing CD you ever bought. His is the second Spin Doctors album. The comments, over 200 of them, are hilarious: everything from C&C Music Factory to Linkin Park, Nickelback to Asia, Phil Collins to Snow. One guy even had 3 Richard Marx CDs.

Of course, some of the goddamned hipsters want to prove their cred by saying that their worst is something like Frente! or Kula Shaker. Both of those albums are great, and nothing to be ashamed of.

It would be hard to pick the worst of a quarter century of terrible music I've owned, but here's the shortlist:

• Bryan Adams- Greatest Hits
• Melissa Ethridge- Yes I Am (I sold this like 3 days later, though.)
• Gin Blossoms- New Miserable Experience (Although, in my defense, I bought it after I saw the video for "Hey, Jealousy" on 120 Minutes.)
• Roxette- Look Sharp! (I rocked the eff out to this album. It was on cassette, though, so it may not technically qualify for this.)

I know there's more, and I'll update this post when I remember them. And no, I don't consider Vanilla Ice to be either bad or embarrassing.

So, what are yours?

UPDATE: Annie's got her wiggerific list up.

Moneyball

I read the book Moneyball last summer, and despite it's disputed premise, that traditional baseball statistics are terrible predictors of a team's success, it's had two effects on my thinking. One, I pay a lot more attention to baseball. Two, I've taken to heart the message that traditional metrics in any given endeavor may be meaningless.

Similarly challenging traditional logic, Drezner has a post up about why, if the Chicago White Sox are so good this year (currently holding the best record in baseball), the attendance at most of their games sucks. Most of the discussion centers around the ballpark, US Cellular Field, which evokes "the feel of West Berlin during the Cold War." My friend Billy Lou, visiting from out of town, recently went to a game there, and confirmed the amount of "just crazy shit" that goes on between every inning, including the playing of lots of AC/DC. While this can certainly be a fun distraction to baseball's often slow pace, I've always felt that lower ticket and concession prices is the best way to attract new fans, and to keep them coming back.

Learning about Iran and having some food!

So much goodness on the 'nerd today:

The actor caused a stir when he attended Friday prayers last week and heard the “Death to America” chants. But on a visit to Iran's Film Museum in Tehran this week he told a student that those oft-heard chants hurt Iran-U.S. relations."I understand the nature of where it comes from and what its intention is," he said. "But I don't think it's productive because I think the message goes to the American people and it is interpreted very literally."

See, what the protesters are saying is "Hey! You know, we left this Iran place because it was bogus. So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too." Yeah?

Asked whether his idea about Iran had changed since arriving in the country, he said: "I hope my ideas are ever-changing."

Awesome! Totally awesome! Allright, Mr. Penn!

I can't fucking wait for his letter.

FREE KATIE HOLMES!!!

Here.

DSM falls flat

Now we have another opinion supporting the little-known theory that Condoleezza Rice was impatient with United Nations and the novel argument that administration officials didn't think through the post-war consequences. It is now more clear than ever that by mid-July of 2002 President George W. Bush was going to invade Iraq. But wasn't it clear before 9/11 that Bush was going to invade Iraq? Wasn't it clear before he was inaugurated that Bush was going to invade Iraq? The left understands all this and believes it's a scandal, or should be. The majority of American voters understand it too, and they re-elected Bush handily and have yet to turn solidly against the war in Iraq.

It was elegant timing that another of history's droppings—the revelation that Mark Felt was "Deep Throat"—splattered into the middle of the DSM controversy. This relic of the pre-Reagan, pre-Clinton era when, it's now clear, politicians simply didn't understand how much they could get away with, gave perfect shape to the left's quaint faith in Gnostic wisdom. If the common people only understood—if they would just attend to our media, read our books, empurple over our pet outrages—surely the scales would fall from their eyes. But to respect the much-lauded American People as sentient actors, you have to give them credit for being able to act with malice aforethought. Most Americans already know what's in the Downing Street Memo. They knew it before the memo was even published. And they don't care. ...

The Downing Street Memo is here. It couldn't be starved to death by media inattention. It couldn't be smothered under a manure of Brangelina and Runaway Brides. It's escaped into the open—to die of natural causes.

*

playlistin'

Interesting discussion about this DataWhat post, about putting together playlists. Playlists, of course, are what we used to call mix tapes. (Did you call them mix tapes, or mixed tapes?) Some commenters made the point that transitioning from tapes to CDs really jacked up their flow. Agreed. It's really tough to put together a mix CD that flows as well as a mix tape could. Playlists make it even harder, as they can go on for days, technically. Some folks only make playlists that can fit on a CD, but iTunes offers so much more flexibility. I really haven't even tried to do a "smart" playlist in iTunes, but between this and the iTunes radio idea, I'm intrigued at the possibilities.

Can I walk your poodle?

Via Stereogum...Triumph the Insult Comic Dog vs. Michael Jackson supporters.

morsel combat

B, did you see that Rochester is challenging you to a diet-off?

Since I know both of you, yet, ironically, you don't know each other, I can referree. So, Angry Hippie, do you accept Rochester's terms? Rochester, do you promise not to sit outside AH's house in a lawn chair, taunting him by drinking Crown Royal and eating cookies? I think to satisfy Annie's curiosity, you'll both have to keep logs of your bowel movements.

Ok, now kiss. I now pronounce you...competitors.

cos that's the way nobody likes it

Speaking of gross drinks, I've been hearing a lot lately about folks drinking beer with Coca-Cola. Has anyone else heard of this? Has anyone actually tried this assuredly disgusting conconction?

No potions or raccoon suits, though

Some Canadian made some question mark boxes, like from Super Mario Bros 1? And then he hung 'em up in trees and from power lines and shit. Pretty cool idea.

Because he can

UPDATE:

Court Won't Review Beastie Boys Lawsuit

Alleged "right to party" not firmly established in Constitutional law, says court.




Teabag.

F---in' Democrats

This guy is from rural-ass Virginia, drinks 'shine, eats deer shit, has a friend named Cravin Morehead (say it outloud) and has a recipie to help the Democrats win Southern votes. His name...is Mudcat.

Mudcat says that on the trail once, Kerry took him aside and told him that after the nomination was locked up, the campaign was headed south and Mudcat could "be there for the ride." A few weeks later, back home in New England, at Dartmouth, Kerry told an audience, "Everybody always makes the mistake of looking south," pointing out that Al Gore nearly became president without winning one southern state. "Now did you see Bush concede any state?" Mudcat asks rhetorically. "Hell no. The Democrats are a bunch of dumb-asses, is what they are." The way Mudcat sees it, Kerry telegraphed contempt for southerners, and in one fell swoop shot the bird to one-fourth of the country. "I'm not going to call him phony," says Mudcat, "But I am going to say he sprayed down my leg and told me it was raining."

The entire article is hilarious, and the guy curses like a South Park kid. On top of that, he actually seems to know what he's talking about. Read the whole thing.

Come back in a year, eh? We'll get that infection cleared right up.

But the universal health-care system - while considered one of the fairest in the world - has been plagued by long waiting lists and a lack of doctors, nurses and new equipment. Some patients wait years for surgery, MRI machines are scarce and many Canadians travel to the United States for medical treatment.

In most Canadian provinces, it is illegal to seek faster treatment and jump to the head of the line by paying out of pocket for public care. Private health clinics have sprouted up even though they are technically illegal, though the provincial governments tend to look the other way.

Wow, socialized medicine sure seems to be working great. Thank Dog it's "fair"!

What is this shit? Pt. three

New stuff in the BlogRadio. I'm putting the "rad" back in "radio."

The White Stripes- My Doorbell. From the new album, Get Behind Me, Satan. Which should either end with an exclamation point, or have cover art featuring Jack White astride the Styx, palm thrust outwards, holding back the forces of Evil. It has neither. The song still ROCKS though.

Belle & Sebastian- Piazza, New York Catcher. You gotta figure, with B&S's history of lyrics crammed with sexual ambiguity, that the whole pitcher/catcher thing did not escape their notice. One of my favorites of theirs, atypically so in that it eschews entirely the chamber-pop of "The Boy With the Arab Strap" that first drew me in lo those many years ago. Here now because of the improbable coincidence that I actually witnessed a Giants/Mets game recently.

The Left Banke- Walk Away, Renee. The link between this and the B&S tune should be obvs.

Gorillaz- Dare. From the new album, Demon Days. Much weirder than the first, no doubt due to the inclusion of a dude who dresses in a giant mouse costume. The album is completely Del-less, which is fine. Del is only tolerable in measured doses. This album flies by, and this track rocks the shack. It features Shaun Ryder from the Happy Mondays, which, if you've seen 24 Hour Party People, everybody thought he was retarded.

Travis- Be My Baby. A cover of what Brian Wilson called a perfect pop record. Interestingly, this version almost forgets to include the drum line, one of the most famous in pop history, that spawned a million and one imitators. Could the Raveonettes even exist if this song hadn't been written? Plus, did you all see Phil Spector's hair at his trial? Dude is loony, I'm tellin ya.

Just click the song to make it play, kids. It ain't hard.

Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks.

*"Last year I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had flowering meadows and rainbow skies, and rivers made of chocolate, where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles."*

9 kinds of awesome

Then there is the stealing. Santos has observed that the monkeys never deliberately save any money, but they do sometimes purloin a token or two during an experiment. All seven monkeys live in a communal main chamber of about 750 cubic feet. For experiments, one capuchin at a time is let into a smaller testing chamber next door. Once, a capuchin in the testing chamber picked up an entire tray of tokens, flung them into the main chamber and then scurried in after them -- a combination jailbreak and bank heist -- which led to a chaotic scene in which the human researchers had to rush into the main chamber and offer food bribes for the tokens, a reinforcement that in effect encouraged more stealing.

Something else happened during that chaotic scene, something that convinced Chen of the monkeys' true grasp of money. Perhaps the most distinguishing characteristic of money, after all, is its fungibility, the fact that it can be used to buy not just food but anything. During the chaos in the monkey cage, Chen saw something out of the corner of his eye that he would later try to play down but in his heart of hearts he knew to be true. What he witnessed was probably the first observed exchange of money for sex in the history of monkeykind. (Further proof that the monkeys truly understood money: the monkey who was paid for sex immediately traded the token in for a grape.)

*

Post of posts

No diggity, some of you hippies have been wondering where the heck I've been for the last 5 or so days. Some of you may wonder where I've been for much, much longer. The former shall be exhaustively (both by the author and for the reader) chronicled in this post. The latter is a matter for a whole nother blog.

If you're not in the mood for a long post, the short story is that I was up in the New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania megalopolis in order to, among other things, try out for the tv show Jeopardy. I didn't make it, and Rochester has several theories as to why. Read that and you're done. For those willing to endure the blogorreal equivalent of a vacation slideshow, do read on.

I was only an hour late arriving in Newark, NJ on Friday night, so when I picked up my bag, I expected my host to be there waiting. My phone beeped then, telling me that I had voicemail. Annoyingly, it had waited like 15 minutes after I turned it on to tell me this. So, the voicemail is from my host, BLW (aka "Kid"), and she's telling me that the window of her car, which I will later learn she has possessed for only a week, has been smashed with a rock. The hoodlums had apparently caught sight of her purse sitting on the front seat, left behind as she dashed inside for....something or other, and threw a ginormous rock, grabbing the purse, and leaving glass everywhere. She would not be able to pick me up at the airport, and I would need to take the train to her house.

After lugging my junk halfway across Newark, I found the right train. Eventually I made it The Sketchiest Cab Stand In America. The dispatcher personally verbally assaulted several customers, potential customers, and drivers in a melange of Arabic, Spanish, and what I can only assume was English. I was paired with a future NBA star, who goes by the name Something Jordan. Well, not really "Something," but at this point it was nearly 2am, so forgive if I can't remember the kid's name. Nice guy, though.

Most of the following day was spent cruising around scenic northern NJ looking for anyone who could replace the window on short notice. Read: immediately. On a weekend. At 1pm. Obvs, we decided that it was in her best interest to wait until Monday to get the thing replaced. So, to New York!

I had been communicating with two old friends from school (elementary, high, and post-secondary) who have lived in NY for the past few years about a visit. They were obviously thrilled, and we agreed to meet for dinner. Mike and Lyndsay live in the East Villiage, which, I now know, is so named because it lies East of the Villiage. I'm still piecing together which villiage. But to get to their place we had to walk through Tompkins Park, which was crammed to the stinky gills with hipsters, hippies, and their respective dogs. It reminded me of Paris in that I was simultaneously scared for my life because of all the foreigners and vagabonds, and trying my damndest not to step in dog shit. Only in New York, as they say.

Mike and Lyndsay suggested a nice Italian restaurant named John's on 12th Avenue, I think. Mike told us about how he had just won $36,000 in an online poker tournament the night before. We also met their dog, Jonas. Here's a picture of them at the restaurant:


And here's one of the three of us, although it's a bit rough because somebody couldn't seem to figure out the auto-focus.


So that was fun.

The next morning, we set out for the lovely and scholarly confines of Princeton, NJ. What a lovely town! It was as if J Crew had bought an entire town in which to shoot a catalog. My tour guide:


showed me around the town and the campus of Princeton University. Some gorgeous photos of same follow:









I have many more. It's a beautiful campus.

But it was time to go, alas. Exciting surprises awaited me....in Queens. That's right, I was treated to a Mets game. The box seats were supergreat, in the 3rd row down the 3rd base line. They played the Giants, which immeidately put me in mind of a song.


Which immediately put me in the mind of another song. Mets games are fun, because they barely let home runs (of which there were many) interrupt their incessant chants of "Yankees suck! Yankees suck!" Which they do.

Monday, Kid had class, so I found a place to get her car fixed. It was fun, because it only took 4 hours and it was only about 95 degrees that day. A local bar and grille, The Stanley Cup, provided cold comfort. Literally, it was like 50 degrees in there. Also it provided an excellent club sandwich and fries, a few Cokes, and a passable re-run of The Rockford Files. I had to leave to go check on the car in the middle of Magnum, P.I. Which totally sucked, cos I love the hell out of that theme song. At one point, though, Magnum made a pass at some girl, then actually turned to the camera and winked. I'm all, "Fuck, yeah, Magnum. That's all you!"

Car finally fixed, it was time to make our way to the city of Brotherly Love. I booked a room at the stately Latham Hotel, which totally lost any possible future business from me when the satellite went out during game 7 of the Pistons/Heat series. What good is TV that you can't watch when it's raining? Whatevers. Also, since Kid is a Ph.D. student in psychology, I had to help out by agreeing to submit to an IQ test. Surely, my IQ score will obliterate any lingering doubts you may have as to my ability to kick Ken Jenning's pasty little ass.

The tryouts were held in a large ballroom at the nearby Hilton. About 85 of us took seats in the ballroom, and listened to soothing audience banter lead by the "Contestant Coordinator," Bob. Bob had bitch tits. He lead us through a slideshow that pointed out some of the more obvious tips of Jeopardy success. Hint: when the category is "rhyme time," your answer should rhyme. Thanks, Bob. We took the 50 question test in just under 4 minutes. That's about 8 seconds per question and answer. Needless to say, the test was inordinately difficult. 4 people passed from our group of 85. I'm told that I missed the cut by one point. But they did let us keep the Jeopardy pens, which was nice.

Rest and travel for the rest of my time up there. Well deserved, if I do say so myself. And I do, cos this is my blog.

Thanks for reading. Shorter posts for the rest of the week.

Ha. YES.

Like many of you, I have an intense distaste for Conor Oberst, the "genius" behind Bright Eyes and a driving force, if not the driving force, behind the Omaha scene - this despite loving Rilo Kiley and liking The Faint. Why? Because he is a goddamn Communist, or at least an infantile altermondialist of the worst kind.

Although, he likes "I'm Wide Awake..." and I don't.

*

Moron parade

Whuzzup, hippies.
I know you all are dying of anticipation, so just a short post to keep you from dying.
I did not make it onto Jeopardy. More about this soon, as I hope to have a long, photo-annotated post up prolly tomorrow describing the whole extended weekend of which the tryout was an unexpectedly brief part. Long story short: There was about 85 people in the room with me taking the test, and only four got to go on to the next round. So, I'm kinda depressed about that.

Thankfully, you hippies have anticipated this, and provided me with some news to lift my spirits. Dear lord, what will our betters think?

Gone to Bonnaroo

Ha ha ha...just kidding, hippies.
Yours effing truly is taking a few days off to expand my mind. First, a mini-vacation in the NYC area, then Jeopardy tryouts in Philly on Tuesday. Probably not a whole lotta posting betwizz now and next Thursday.
Take this time to explore the 'sphere. Visit the Rightist Wilderness Compound, BS, PK (when he gets back from his honeymoon...any good news, B?) and some of the other sidebar links.

Later, hippies.

free Apple swag

Apple Computer has agreed to settle several class action suits over the battery life of its popular iPod portable music players, offering extended service warranties and $50 store credits to consumers who lobbed complaints.

If you bought your iPod before May 31, 2004 and the battery crapped out on you, you are probably eligible to get $50. Hook it up!
iPod socks, here I come! Hmmm...or the preppy version?

Darknets

Here's a very interesting article about how movies make their way onto the internet, often way before their theatrical release.
Author JD Lasica interviews several very plugged-in folks in "The Scene," as the content-providing network is called. Very cool if you're interested in the hows and whys of music and film "piracy."
Lasica has a book out called "Darknet," which I hope to read very soon, about the battle going on between internet pirates and the powers that be. His blog is a running collection of articles and book-related material. Lots of free stuff.

"literally false"

ST. LOUIS - Gillette Co. ads claiming its M3Power razor raises hair up and away from the skin are "unsubstantiated and inaccurate," a federal judge said in siding with Gillette's chief competitor, Schick-Wilkinson Sword. ...

Wednesday's ruling said the depiction in Gillette advertising was "greatly exaggerated" and "literally false." ...

But Szynal said the computer-generated image of the razor lifting hair away from the skin was never meant to be taken literally.

Really? How was it meant to be taken, then? As allegory? As a metaphor? As a joke? That statement baffles me.
Also, I feel like a huge fucktard now for loudly proclaiming the superiority of the M3 Power razor over the clearly inferior Mach 3. Thanks a lot, Justice system. Ya big asshole. I'm going back to dry-shaving with a buck knife, which is how I taught myself to shave when I was 8.

quote of the day

"Cat [Reddick, a female soccer player] was fantastic but when you lose to a woman, it means you suck at something. There are two times when you know you suck at sports -- when you can't beat the women and when you can't beat the smart kids."
--Charles Barkley

i put some new shit in the blog radio (and that's the way I like it)

Ben Lee- "Catch My Disease" From his newest album, "Awake Is the New Sleep." Wow, this is probably the best song I've heard in 2 years. It made my entire day. As soon as he sings "She drank beer with Coca-Cola" I just couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the song, and then long afterwards.
The quality is somewhat diminished here, but the live-in-the-studio recording is totally brills, and suits the song perfectly. When he sings, "They don't play me on the radio, and that's the way I like it!" and everyone laughs, it's just great and fun, and the perfect pop antidote to the perennial downers that seem to have infested indiedom. Dig the sneeze in the left channel. Rad!
Click on the song and play the track loud, COS THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT.