Rant-a-roni, the Research Triangle Park treat

Hola, amigos. I know it’s been a while since I rapped at ya, but I’ve been busier than a monkey at a shit-slingin’ contest.
I’ll be honest with you, hippies: I need to rant a bit. Work today has been a ceaseless parade of idiots. After nearly 3 years at this company, it still boggles my mind how the federal government can entrust so much money to so many morons.
It’s possible that I got a bit too jacked up on coffee this morning, and am thus a bit too on edge to hurdle the day’s…er, hurdles. Lemme just break down some of the highlights for y’all:

☺ Secretary who handles mail merges for me feels my wrath after she prints addresses on letters after I told her, and here I’ll quote myself, “Don’t print addresses on these letters.” She somehow remains employed.
☺ Incompetent programmer still unable, after delivering software nearly a week late, to produce a fully-functioning version. Final version must be ready tomorrow at 6pm. Somehow still employed.
☺ Project supervisor unable to approve a purchase order in a timely manner due to his inability to operate web-based approval system (this man is a Ph.D.). Secretary fails to inform me in a timely manner that the order has yet to be approved. Order will now go unfulfilled.
☺ Staff whose sole function at the company is to set up telephone services unable to comprehend how or why I need a toll-free number established like yesterday.
☺ Officemate (aka Burpee McGee) burps in his mouth all day.
☺ Support staff incomprehensibly unable to send a simple fax.

To mix my metaphors, all this plays out in concert with the normal symphony of incompetence that flogs my brain every day.