(tv) on the radio, plus a prediction

Who among us is not totally psyched for the "American Idol" finale tonight? The smart money appears to be on Bo. You just know that B-Bice is gonna bust out with some crazy shit. I'm thinking an actual plane containing life-sized replicas of the original members of Lynrd Skynrd will crash into the stage, with Bo climbing out of the flaming wreckage to the strains of "Freebird," which will send the crowd into such a frenzy that it will make the post-Newsweek Arab street look like a Presbyterian picnic.

Carrie might have actually had plastic surgery and voice alterations to such an extent that she has actually become indistinguisable from Shania Twain. Federov will storm the stage, commanding a giant laser-wielding robot, weaing only a Ukraine-style fur hat. His robo-killing spree will be stopped only when Carrie stands athwart the path of the robot, Tiannamen Square stizz, and tearfully mouths "I love you, Anthony!" in Russian, which is the only language the killbot can understand, like in "Firefox."

Despite my faith in the free market, howevs, Carrie wins out. Her heroics will carry the day and become your next American Idol.

Seacrest out.