Live!

I just wanted to note that I'm posting this from a Panera Bread restaurant near my mom's house in rural-ass Wisconsin. She doesn't have internet access where she lives, so I looked around on WiFinder.com to see if there was free WiFi anywhere around. No luck there, but I heard a friend mention that there was a new Panera in the next town, and I knew that most, if not all of them, have free WiFi.

So, I'm sitting in a very comfy leather chair, and I've just finished a delicious lunch for a reasonable price. Initially, I was a bit chilly as I sat near an air vent, so I moved to sit next to the fire. I should note that I chose this restaurant almost solely because they had free WiFi, but now that I've come, I'll almost certainly patronize this place again. Why don't all restaurants offer this???

takedown

I just know that somebody is going to email me Tom Friedman's column in the Times about how the Bush administration's priorities are fucked up. So before any of you hippies get any bright ideas, read PowerLine's point-by-point takedown (with links, cos that's how fact-checking works).

Friedman, I think, really knows his stuff when it comes to international reporting, and in particular as regards the mideast. I've long thought, however, and as the post reinforces, that the dude has his mustached head up his arse when it comes to domestic politics.

Because nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like screaming children.
(Via Althouse)

Scenes from the modern bullshit office

Ok, so my division at work is split into different prgrams, different "interest areas," and mine meets every month for lunch and to discuss administrative matters. It's my job to schedule these meetings and to make sure food is provided. Why my bachelor's degree from a top-tier university uniquely qualifies me for this duty, as opposed to, say, a secretary, was not made clear to me when I was given the assignment.

Anywho. My boss has different rules about who in the group can attend, who gets lunch, and so on. Some are invited for lunch, some are invited but not for lunch, some are only designated as "optional" attendees, etc. etc. It's a pain in my ass, ok? Since I've only done this once or twice before, I email my boss to clarify as to who can attend. He gives me this snotty-ass answer, "I thought we covered this..." That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

Short story long, I am now pissed at my boss and at my group. (I don't know why. I just am.) So in an admittedly feeble and pitiful attempt at retribution, I have set out their beverages 40 minutes early, so that they will all be warm when the group converges. Suck on it, losers.

Angry Hippie sez: "Matt, you are a shining beam of defiance in an otherwise indentured envrionment."

Yes. Yes I am.


UPDATE: I skipped the meeting, too.

It's a human tragedy, and an Orcish tragedy.

Here's a pretty damned hilarious fictional conversation between Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky about "The Lord Of the Rings." The whole thing is laugh out loud funny, but to get you started:

Chomsky: One of the problems with the perspective offered by the Man-Elf coalition is that you have to try so hard to get at the truth of the conflict, at what is really going on; it's so obscured by their propaganda and relentless militarism. I mean, here we have swords being distributed to the Hobbits by Strider so they can protect themselves against these "evil creatures." Now, in this case, it's probably warranted, though the "evil creatures" are looking for the ring in their own individual self-interest. They're behaving in a purely rational way. ...
Zinn: A perfect example of what you're talking about is right here, when Strider attacks the Black Riders, "saving" Frodo from them.
Chomsky: Think of it from the Black Riders' perspective. No doubt they arrived at Weathertop thinking, "Can we ask a few questions? We'd like to talk to you."
Zinn: Now from here we jump to Isengard, post-ecological atrocities. What I personally see here is… well, I see industrialization, I see a very cooperative workforce, I see a people who aren't terrorized, a people attempting to make do with what they have.
Chomsky: Well, they're making weapons, which is sad. I mean, it would be nice if they could make plowshares, but unfortunately this isn't the time for plowshares in their culture. But they're showing great ingenuity, and they're showing cooperation, you're right about that.

Their theory is that the whole war against Mordor was a fraud, undertaken to please the military industrial complex, which includes Elves, Hobbits, and pipe-weed.

Chomsky: Why now? Well, I think it's because the people in Mordor — the Orcs, I'm speaking of — are starting to obtain some power, are starting to ask a little bit more from Middle Earth than Middle Earth has ever seen fit to give to them. And I don't think it's unreasonable for them to expect something back from Middle Earth. Of course, if that happened, the entire economy would be disrupted.

Awesome.

Album cover quiz

This is really hard, but really fun. Well, at least for music nerds such as myself. I got 28 on my first pass, but I'm going to try to come back to it later and get more.

UPDATE: 30 now.

UPDATE: 38.

To the tune of something by Death Cab

So, if Lindsay is Kirsten's sister, is Jimmy going to try and bang her, too? Will he go for the trifecta? And does this mean that Lindsay is Seth's aunt?

And did you catch the previews? Damn! Lesbian Marissa?!?! With Seth's Alex? Sheeeeit.

Btdubz, I don't know if it is the writers' intention to just make Marissa a very dramatical character, but she's coming off as dangerously unstable, and making me not want to root for her+Ryan at all. Ryan needs a normal girl, he doesn't need all of yo rich-girl drama, Marissa. Save it fo yo mama. The mama who's banging the father of the mama (aka HotMom) your dad banged back in the day, before he was married to yo mama (and to whom he is currently backsliding).

Endless possibilities! Endless drama! Faster than Gilmore Girls! This holiday season, I'm thankful for the O-sizzle!

Just for the record

Cell phones on planes= BAD IDEA.
Wi-Fi on planes= AWESOME IDEA.

Now, don't go accusing me of being some luddite elitist anti-cell phone doucebag, cos like Brian Wilson said, "That's not me." I wanted a cell phone ever since my dad used to keep a "car phone" when I was a kid. Remember? The huge ones that were in a bag and had cords and had to be plugged in the whole time? Yeah, totally awesome, I know.

But cell phones on planes is a horrible idea. Already, we have these slags that can't seem to be on the ground for 35 seconds before they have to call someone and say, "Yeah, I'm on the ground now." . . .

Cell phone etiquette is so horriffic right now that I'm grateful they don't allow phones on the plane, as it's seriously the one last refuge from jerkoff loudmouth morons and their utterly pointless conversations. Dudes, nobody here in McDonald's cares about your shit. Shut up. Plus, it's already difficult to hear on planes, can you imagine how loud some of these jerks are going to talk?!?!? I'm disappointed in the entire Powell family right now.

The one positive about letting cell phones on planes is the chance to use these all the time (via DataWhat).

But wi-fi...that's all to the good. Typing and reading are virtually silent activities, and I would think it would allow people to get infinitely huger amounts of work done than would allowing them to talk on cell phones. You can't conditionally format a spreadsheet on yer phone. Yet.

Anyway.

Why I suck so bad

If you've noticed that I've been posting a lot less lately, well, here's why:

I've run across this blog, authored by the 8th President of the United States, Martin Van Buren. And, sadly, as far as blogs that have to do at least superficially with former and long dead presidents go, this guy kicks my ass. Hard. I'm well aware that John Adams was a vastly superior president to this...this...Dutchman, but the style, wit, and grace (bloggy-style) far surpass my humble attempts at humor and insight.

Blogging will continue to be light until my spirits are lifted.

Happy holidays!

Holy shit.

Best movie EVER

THE DEFENDER
Now in post-production
Starring Dolph Lundgren and Jerry Springer.
Director: Dolph Lundgren

Today - the global war on terror rages on. The United States will not give an inch against terrorists, especially Mohamed Jamar, considered to be the worst of them all. Jamar has been missing for months, but his network continues its function. The President stands firm before the world, but behind the scenes his teams are working to find the final solution. Jamar represents a paradox: he can never be killed, because if found dead he would become an instant martyr. If caught he must be tried. If he is found guilty he would become a martyr and further inspiration to acts of terror. If acquitted, the policies of the entire western world would be destroyed. So he must remain invisible.

Roberta Jones, the head of the National Security Agency, is working to ensure he remains invisible, forever. Under the guise of attending an Eastern European conference on Terror in Romania, she attends a secret meeting with Jamar at a secluded hotel outside Bucharest. No one knows about this meeting and her goal is to buy his invisibility. Her only companions are her security team of six headed by her personal bodyguard, Lance Rockford. They are the best of the best, former military special forces personnel capable of anything.

When they arrive at the hotel for the secret meeting they are ambushed ­ no one is supposed to know about the meeting, but someone wants it stopped. They have to fight for their lives against an unknown attacker.

Lance, a man of highest integrity with an impressive record of service for his country, is forced into a situation which challenges his very beliefs...

The next DVD (or not)

Go read Marginal Revolution's post about the future of DVDs. Follow all the links, too. Teaser:

"We're on the brink of a war for the living room between the PC and electronics companies," he said. "And the thing we know about death wars like that is that the consumer always wins."

sno.c.

Also? I think I'm starting to come around on Zach. After he apologized like a dozen times for hitting Seth? Ups. When he ordered a Yoohoo? Ups. And Lindsay Newbie? Sooooo cute. Ryan'll probably knock her up, though. Cos that's what he does. Fuckin' Chino.

Stop pretending like you own space

The guys who made up Aqua Teen Hunger Force get interviewed by some site called "Kittenpants." Whatever. It's funny.
Best bit:

al: Let's do a James Lipton thing. Meatwad, when you arrive at the pearly gates in heaven, what would you like God to say to you?

MeatWad: To your left, there is a free hot dog buffet. And to your right, you can get yourself some smokes and some brown liquor.

Karl Rove call your office

In case you're not a sports junkie, the big controversy in college football is which schools got the shaft from the Bowl Championship Series. Undefeated Auburn doesn't get to play in the title game despite an unblemished record in what is arguably the nation's toughest football conference. Meanwhile, #5 Texas slipped past #4 Berkeley in the most recent computer rankings (a formula based on teams' performances, plus arbitrary votes by coaches and sportswriters), thus claiming an at-large berth in the BCS and a trip to Pasadena. Berkeley's consolation: the less-prestigious Holiday Bowl, when it was hoping to make its first Rose Bowl appearance since the second term of the Eisenhower administration. ...

See if you can find a pattern here. In 2004, Berkeley is passed over in favor of Texas, red-state trumping blue. In 2003, Southern California--yet another blue-state team--is snubbed in the title game, with the honors going to red-state squads Oklahoma and LSU. The other year of BCS controversy: 2000, when Nebraska (can't get any redder than that) is chosen for the title game instead of Oregon. Ok, you argue, then how to explain why Southern Cal is in next month's title game instead of red-state Auburn? That's simple: The best player on the Trojans' squad is named . . . Bush.

New Year's Eve plan ruined

Damn.

KILLER JAPANESE SEIZURE ROBOTS!!!

Why the Grammys are stupid

The Grammy nominations came out today (or whatever), and continue their 40 year tradition of ineptitude and irrelevance.
I used to think it was just the Best New Artist category that was thoroughly corrupted. Look at some selected picks from recent years:

• 2001: Shelby Lynne. I've never heard a single song by this person (I'm not even sure if they're male or female).
• 1998: Paula Cole. And how is her career going today, Grammy Dudes?
• 1993: Arrested Development. Only famous now for disappearing so quickly, yet still having a TV show named after them. Or not.
• 1990: Milli Vanilli (revoked). Nice. I think it sends a great message that your academy (or whoever picks this shite) is really on top of the musical scence when your pick for Best New Artist has to have their Grammy revoked because they are basically a walking jambox with dreads. g-g-g-girl

The whole list is a trip. Click the link above to see the whole thing. Bob Newhart (not Bob Dylan) snags the honor in 1961.
But, no. It's not just Best New Artist that is shamefully wrongheaded. Look at some selections for Record Of the Year:

• 2000: "Smooth" Santana and that dickbag from Matchbox 20 (sorry, Matchbox Twenty). Whatevs. Santana didn't even write this shnizz, and it was shitty anyway.
• 1992: "Unforgettable" Natalie Cole and a fucking tape recorder. Wasn't this song out like 50 years ago? WTF?
• The 1960s: Notable only for the fact that not one Beatles song was picked.

And I still don't understand the difference between Record of the Year and Song of the Year. Bur neither list has anything by oh, say, Bruce Sprinsteen, Neil Young, or Justin Timberlake. And how could "Billy Jean" not win in either category? That song should be nonimated and win every year. It is easily one of, if not the coolest songs ever written. Have you ever heard Neil Finn (from Crowded House) sing that song solo acoustic stizz? Well, then, find it.

Anyway. Read the rest of the lists here for a larf. And dig some of the trivia questions:

What Grammy Award category was won by Toto, Barbra Streisand, Natalie Cole, Glen Campbell, George Michael, Steely Dan, and Bob Newhart ?

Uh, how about BEST PEOPLE EVER?!?!?!? (real answer)

Lenny Kravitz has won the Best Rock Vocal Performance, Male Grammy 4 years in a row (1999-2002).

Hahaha....yeeeeeah. Riiiiight.

Today my iPod loves

• Alias
• Ray Charles
• Wilco
• The Apples In Stereo

Isslike, when you put the shit on shuffle, some stuff just seems to come up more than others. This is what my iPod loves today, apparently.

Yes, gum has websites

Extra Polar Ice: You're out!
Eclipse Polar Ice: You're in!


(Dude, nobody cares about your gum preferences.) Shut up, voice in my head. Get your own blog. (If I did, it would look something like this.) Dammit! That's better than mine.

UPDATE: I like Hillary Duff. (Me too.)

As regards the Awesomeness of the Chicago Bears

Randy Moss and Bears CB Charles Tillman got into a small wrestling match on the sideline after a play in the third quarter, but no penalties were called. After the game, reporters saw members of the Bears' secondary standing in the end zone waving goodbye to Moss and other Vikings receivers as they exited the field. And Moss, who had just four catches, didn't like it. [Bears Head Coach Lovie] Smith said Moss called the Bears out before the game. "I just wanted to say bye to him. I didn't say nothing," Tillman said. "I couldn't hear what he said. I wasn't going to get in a fight." Moss was not available for comment. *

Colin Powell's stalled rap career

The soon-to-be former Secretary of State Colin L. Powell has begun expressing himself through the powerful language of urban poetry, or "rap."

Powell toasted honoree Warren Beatty by parodying the actor's role as a rapping politician in the movie Bulworth: "I'm Colin Luther Powell/Public service is my thing/Don't do it for the fame/Don't do it for the bling."

It was unreported what Powell actually does do it for, but we're guessing it's one or more of the following: bitches, hoes, money, "cream," "cheese," "cream cheese," or weed.
Possible rap names for Colin Powell:

• Mr. White Chocolate Colin Schmoove
• King Sticky Mack of the Underground
• Dr. Vanilla Bastard CP

Other suggestions will be entertained in the comments.

Who killed all those people in the Phillipines?

If you answered "Communists," you might be right. *

I don't remember this reading this book as a kid...



Or this one.
(more)
Too awful to post.

Still ok!

Oil-for-Food update

Oil-For-Food has finally hit the mainstream. I just saw that old lady on McNeill Lehrer interview Senator Norm Coleman, who recently called for the resignation of UN Secretary General Kofi Annan.

Mr. Annan was at the helm of the U.N. for all but a few days of the Oil-for-Food program, and he must, therefore, be held accountable for the U.N.'s utter failure to detect or stop Saddam's abuses. The consequences of the U.N.'s ineptitude cannot be overstated: Saddam was empowered to withstand the sanctions regime, remain in power, and even rebuild his military. Needless to say, he made the Iraqi people suffer even more by importing substandard food and medicine under the Oil-for-Food program and pawning it off as first-rate humanitarian aid.

Since it was never likely that the U.N. Security Council, some of whose permanent members were awash in Saddam's favors, would ever call for Saddam's removal, the U.S. and its coalition partners were forced to put troops in harm's way to oust him by force. Today, money swindled from Oil-for-Food may be funding the insurgency against coalition troops in Iraq and other terrorist activities against U.S. interests. Simply put, the troops would probably not have been placed in such danger if the U.N. had done its job in administering sanctions and Oil-for-Food.

The movement has some momentum, but the French and the Germans, unsurprisingly, are resisting the move.

President Bush and even the poncy, internationalist State Department are endorsing the probe.

President Bush twice Thursday refused to say whether Annan should resign and didn't use the opportunities to back him. Instead, Bush demanded ''a full and fair and open accounting'' of the oil-for-food program, saying this was essential for U.S. taxpayers to continue supporting the United Nations and ''for the integrity of the organization.''

I'm not saying that Annan specifically governred the UN with the aim of personally enriching himself and his family, but it is difficult to ignore the fact that Annan has been overseeing the program (in his capacity as head of the Secretariat) for all but a few days of its existence.

Some are saying that this is an effort less against Mr. Annan, and more of a neocon conspiracy to kill the UN. The eminently readable Belmont Club thorougly debunks this notion:

Annan is not being taken to task for calling the Iraq war illegal. He is being held to account for failing to carry out the mandate given him by the Security Council. A recent post, The Nimitz in UN Service: 1998 describes how French reconnaissance aircraft and naval vessels undermined United Nations U-2 flights attempting to enforce the Security Council mandated armaments blockade on Iraq -- the very blockade Annan was duty bound to support but which he thwarted at every turn. These, like Annan's actions, were devoid of legitimacy and completely illegal under the rules the "international community" professes to reverence. If the United Nations are not a sham they should punish their unfaithful servant forthwith. But otherwise the United States should show it the very same respect that Kofi Annan afforded it.

"Wait, so she dropped that foreign guy, right? Yeah, I think I have a shot."

California

From the TWoP recap of The OC:

Opening credits: it's slightly weird knowing that there's a whole song that most of us heard a million times and that they only use just that little bit of it for the theme song. Did you know that the Cheers theme song was also, like, a hundred verses longer than just those thirty seconds they used on the show? I heard it on the radio once, and around Verse The Thirtieth, some really whacked-out shit starts to happen to the guy, like he gets chlamydia and then he's eaten by a giant bear or something, so he's glad there's somewhere that everybody knows his name. All of which brings me back to the point of this whole exercise: the Punky Brewster theme song is among the finest that has ever been written.

Kings of Convenience

Although "Quiet Is the New Loud" is a much cooler album title than "Riot On An Empty Street," I much prefer the music of latter to that of the former. I've been playing the hell out of that album, so much so that my iPod actually sneers at me and groans, "What, again? Seriously?" every time I queue it up.
Like it's predecessor, it's a very hushed affair (although mastered crazy loud), and that makes you pay more attention. I think the songwriting is much better, and with the exception of the immediately great two opening tracks, unfolds slowly and lovelyly.
Enough sissy music. Go read Beer and Rap.

Auto-bots

Transformers + break dancing = awesome.

Shameless red state moralizing. Oh, wait....

The first, and possibly only, lame thing I've ever read about iPods.

Ha.

dolla dolla bill y'all

A cool idea, to pay kids for grades as part of the curriculum.

Fryer was here on Monday and he told me of a large scale experiment he is running in 24 of the poorest performing New York schools. Every three weeks students are tested and if they improve they are paid on the order of $20. Control groups are also tested. Early results are very encouraging. No other reform has anywhere near the bang for the buck as paying the students.

As Fryer said to me, 'for years white parents have been giving their kids money for As, now we are trying the same system for black kids.'

A school in Detroit is taking it farther:

After the Christmas break, Knoper said the paycheck curriculum will be ramped up a notch when the kids start paying taxes on the hallways (a form of road tax) and playgrounds.

Students can lose money, too.

"If I accidentally hit somebody, I have to lose $4 or $5," said Shane Holmes, 8, suggesting that losing that much money was horrifying.