Dear Mr. Ahmed Goidman (for the family)

It's finally happened. I've been messing around with online servies and the internet for like 10 years, and today marks the first day I've got one of those Spanish prisoner emails. You know, the one where the guy in Nigeria has like $10 million in an account in some war torn country, and he promises to wire it to your account, "for safe keeping," if you send him some money for expenses. Here's the letter I got in my Gmail account this morning (also, cooincidentally, the first and only piece of spam I've ever got at that account):

From: MR Ahmed GoldmanE Mail a44ahmed@yahoo.co.uk
Republic of South Africa Johannesburg
Attn: Managing director/CEO

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally. I am Mr.Ahmed Goldman. The first son of Mr. David Goldman, who was recently murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe. I got your contact through network online hence decided to write to you. Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US $10M (Ten- million United States Dollars) in one of the Private Security Companies as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe.
This money was deposited in a box as gemstones to avoid much demurrage from the Security Company. This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines, chemicals for the farms and establishment of new farm in Swaziland. This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act reform, which wholly affected the rich white farmers and some few black farmers.
This resulted in the killing and mob action of Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society. In facta lot of people were killed because of this land reform act of which my father was one of the victims. It is against this background that my family and I are Currently in South Africa and decided to transfer the fund to a foreign country since the law of South Africa prohibits refugees like my self from opening any bank Account or to be Involved in any financial transaction Throughout the territorial zones of Southern Africa.
As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with responsibilities of seeking a genuine and trustwhorthy foreign account owner where this money could be transferred into without the Knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything. All I seek for is an honest businessman or woman, whom I can entrust my future and that of my family; I must also let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free. If you accept to assist us, I would like you to make arrangements and come to Johannesburg, South Africa so that you can help me open a non-resident account on your name which will aid us in transferring this money into any account you will nominate overseas.
This money I intend to use for my investment and growth in your country. I have two options for you; firstly, you can choose to have certain percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable investment of the money in your country. Whichever options you want feel free to notify me.
I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses we might incure on the process of this transaction. If you do not prefer a partnership, I am willing to give you 25% of the money while the remaining 70% will remain for my family and I. If you are really capable and willing to assist me please contact me immediately With the above telephone no. Finally, please treat this matter as urgent very more confidential as possible. I am in dare need to leave this country soonest. Thanks for your mutual co-operation as I expect your urgent response.

Best regards,

Mr.Ahmed Goldman (For the
Family)

Ok, first of all, how hilarious is this? Just out of curiosity, I looked at the U.S. State Dept.'s web page about Zimbabwe, and while most assuredly incomplete, it made no mention of a land reform act. This would seem to me to be a pretty important, as Mr. Ahmed claims, it has killed many people, even lunatics in society. Maybe he's not as trustwhorthy as he would claim.

I came across this web site awhile back. Basically, they write back to these scammers, just fucking with 'em. One guy even made a few hundered bucks off of them, posing as a priest, and saying that he needed $200 or whatever to get access to the Church's accounts. It's inspiring. Check it out. For the family.